Tag Archives: Friends EX

The Case Of The EX……

12 Sep

Is it ever okay for a friend to date your Ex???? Before you dismiss this article, lets consider this… Last week my friend Jenny approached me and I realized something was puzzling her. Over a glass of  Moscato Rose she disclosed to me that last Friday she went shopping at the local mall and ran into a friend. During the brief hello,  how are you,  how is the family??? She noticed this friend was being really vague and dismissive, she attempted to brush it off until she saw her Ex boyfriend from a year ago approaching them in mid-conversation. Before Jenny could open  her mouth to say hello to him, the EX called out to her friend “Babe do you want anything in here”? OMG  it hit her that these two were together. It was clear that this man did not see Jenny at first because when they locked eyes he said nothing, and had the “deer caught in the head lights look“. Can we say “Awkward”…… According to Jenny the three of them stood there until Jenny finally walked away. When I asked Jenny how she felt at the time she said she left feeling sadness, confusion and most of all she felt pissed off. This bought me to this very question.

IS IT EVER OKAY TO DATE A FRIENDS EX??????

There are several questions that one may have to consider before making such a decision.

  1. How close of a friend is this?
  2. How long ago was the break-up?
  3. How long did the relationship last?
  4. How do you value the both of them? Do you even care?
  5. What is the communication level between you and the both of them?
  6. What is your state of mind at the time ( are you in a relationship, are you happy)?

Many may disagree with these questions  or even question if they EVEN matter? But then you also have to define what your  personal meaning of a friend and an EX really is (brain overload)?  It’s never an easy answer. We all have different interpretations.

I am inclined to say that Ms. Nanja from 10 years ago would have  went “HAM” at the mall. What happened to the “women/friend code?” Under NO circumstances do you ever get with a friends EX.  Being that I am older and have a lot more life experience, I would like to think that I would not  be as upset now. Hear me out…

I am a firm believer that your trash is someone else’s treasure. There is a clear reason why the relationship ended. Everyone is entitled to finding love (yes even an Ex)  and if you happened to  find it with someone I know then “do you Boo!” Now not to say that I’m giving permission for my best friend or the girls in my tight circle to date  ANY of my Ex’s. It is NOT okay today, tomorrow or even when I am DEAD a bit harsh I know… Ohhh well…lol  But then I have to consider the questions above.

Depending on what the answers are to the questions I would give my blessings. Some can’t even fathom this concept, but think about this. I’ve been in the dating  game for a long time. (dating does not equal relationship) Some longer than others, some ended good some bad.  If you think about friends, associates, and even the people you encounter in  day-to-day life, eventually an Ex will run into a friend.  If they know that I am the common factor in the mix I would hope I get the respect to be informed. At the end of the day, no one ever wants to be in that uncomfortable predicament that Jenny was in.