Archive by Author

Computer Love…

24 Oct

If you would have asked me five years ago about online dating, I would have replied “no freakin way, that right there  is for losers” In the age of club hoping, bar running, I would for sure run into a perspective partner. How easy is it to meet a man in the city that never sleeps? I would leave my Brooklyn apartment and by the time I reach the corner store I would have picked up about two numbers, about five “what’s-good ma“!, and three chicken head bird calls.  Now fast forward in time, with my stressful career that keeps me in the office  for 8 to 12 hours a day, and my refusal to stop and talk to strange man in the streets (with good reason). Ohh did I mention I stopped partying….when do I really have time to meet someone?

I did not start dating online because I was lonely or desperate. It was more like a dare! I was on the phone with one of my still single girlfriends, and she stated that the small town that she lived in, there was a shortage of men. She wanted to meet someone far away (long distance relationship) and felt that I should do the same after my break-up. I thought why not? What was there to lose? All my co-workers were doing it, and they were really successful at it I might add.  So I went through with the long profile, even longer questions, sexy picture and yes $25 for a monthly rate (used a coupon). I came to realize that online dating has come a long way. A lot of people think online dating is only utilized by people who can not find a partner, and view it as a last resort of dating, like some final attempt to finding “the one”. The pool of eligible bachelors is getting slimmer quickly. Truth be told, regular, working, frustrated singles are searching for love online and finding success from all age groups, all races, all religions. OMG  I was so surprised to see that there is an online dating service for everyone.

To be honest with you, Internet dating has definitely spiced up my life. In the first week I have emailed and talked to so many men from all over. I always get a little rush of adrenaline when someone new emails me, or I email someone and they actually respond. I simply call it “Shopping for a man”.

I must admit, although tempting to meet all of them, I only met up with one guy from online. Who turned out to be the sweetest, and is so different from the men that I have dated (who knows where this might lead). Most of the men I have emailed or spoken too have been nice, interesting, attractive, or some combination of all three minus the bull shit games. Online dating has provided me with the option of “time”. Time to get to know that person with the late night phone calls and the emails. That time allows me to be comfortable into taking the next step to meeting the person. The one constant thing that I realized with the men that I communicated with is that there is no place for games. It’s a service that you pay for and you are hoping everyone is there for the same reason, and that is to meet someone.  Also I believe in online dating because they give us access to a much wider population of potential partners, they improve the odds. It took me out of my comfort zone, and opened me up to meeting men that I normally would not talk to. I said it before and I will say it again dating is supposed to be fun, the goal is meeting and exploring new things, and hopefully the end result you will come out with a winner. If you don’t take that step and exploring outside your box, how do you know what you like and don’t like?

I would definitely recommend online dating, but just like dating in person, use caution.

HAPPY DATING……..

I kiss and tell…..

17 Oct

Ever had a kiss so passionate, so sexy you thought you were in one of those romantic movies? Where everything was right on point from the timing, to the way he held you while planting that lasting impression on you? That first kiss can be the starting point of telling you everything you need to know about that person, from how they move their tongue in your mouth, to how their lips feel on top of yours. If the kiss is done right you feel as if the whole world has stopped around you, and it’s just you two. Kissing can express sentiments of “love, passion, affection, among many others.

Why is kissing important to women?

 Kissing is an intimate act, usually the first between a man and women. A kiss is important because that’s how we connect with someone we’re interested in and what makes us feel that he’s connecting back. It is an expression of one’s desires. But if a man’s kissing skills are “wack”, then he could expect to be dropped. We all have experienced that bad kisser. The person who doesn’t know what to do with his tongue or seems to have “flood issues” inside his mouth “ yuck”. The person who seems to be kissing everywhere on your face (chin, nose) but your mouth. Or how about the loser who while kissing you, you notice you don’t have access to your mouth anymore because he swallowed it or is holding it hostage. How could I ever forget about the stink breath kisser? It’s so bad that after the kiss, it feel like YOU have bad breath for a week. The stink breath kisser tops my “hell na” list. The way a man kisses means everything to me. You know the saying “good food is the key to a man’s heart”, well I say “passionate kisser is the key to the ladies panties”. LOL

Kissing is a skill that can be learned so don’t give up hope…. yet. Here are a couple of tips to making that kiss a great “pantie dropper” one.

“Lap Kiss

While your partner is laying with his/her head in your lap, lean over and kiss her/him. Your bottom lip will be on your partner’s top lip, and vise versa. You can even French kiss while in this position. This kiss is a playful kiss, and it can lead to much more.

“Breath to Breath”

In a hot moment – creates major anticipation – barely touch lips with lips slightly parted… then breathe your partner’s breath… moving heads slowly to experience different sensations…  lips touching on and off slightly… it is a very teasing sort of kiss and builds passion tremendously.

Suck on this

This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner’s lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Nibble on this”

This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your partner.

Sigh Kiss”

When you first start kissing your partner gently lick their lips with the tip of your tongue.  Then blow or sigh into their lips, causing a tingling feeling that will intensify your kiss for sure.

Tongue Tease”

When you’re French kissing, if/when you pull back, and before your mouths meet again, you can flick your tongue up and down quickly against the other person who is doing the same.  It’s very teasing and fun to see how long it lasts.  It’s hard to resist going strong after a while of flicking.

I know which kiss is my favorite, but I’m curious to know which one is your favorite kiss?

You better shop around

10 Oct

Recently I find myself back into the dating pool after ending two years of courtship with someone. The relationship didn’t work out, and I got hurt, I think I even hurt him. I battle with the possibility of starting over AGAIN. Relationships are complicated and difficult, sometimes just right ugly. The worst is when someone is asked to get back up, dust your self off and “start over.”  But what exactly does that mean? The thought of starting over with someone new is nerve-racking,  you start to wonder if you are really ready for another relationship.

Is it ever too soon to start dating again?

We’ve all had a long-term relationship that may or may not have suffered a painful ending, or perhaps it’s no ones fault and it just stalled and failed. One of the worst things you can do after a failed relationship is to dwell on it. Of course you will spend every waking moment thinking about your EX. If you really cared about your EX you wonder about what was and what could have been. The best advice I can share with you is too leave the relationship behind you as quickly as you can. “Who is she fooling you might say to yourself”? Trust me I know it’s easier said then done. The best way to do this is to allow your grief to run its course, because that’s what it is. You’ve lost somebody you love or loved, and you may need time to grieve for what’s gone.

I truly think it’s also important to take time to examine what happened during the relationship so you can learn from your mistakes. It’s all too easy to wallow in bitter, angry thoughts. If you can channel those thoughts constructively in order to learn from this failed relationship, you can prevent the same thing happening to your next one. And don’t worry, you will have another relationship, (life doesn’t suck that bad). Though it may not feel like it, the world hasn’t ended just because your relationship has.

Let’s just say I have grieved long enough. I am so ready to see what this dating world has to offer a young, educated, sexy thing like me lol.  I take dating as a game, and just like any other game, there are rules you need to study, learn and follow. Number one rule is SAFETY FIRST, I have a designated friend I text the following information to (name, number, plates). Yes I said his plate’s lol. And every so often I would text her my location. (if you knew some of mine and friends dating stories you would see fit to do the same)

 I always try to enjoy myself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun!

I stay positive, even when dates don’t end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.

Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can. Last but not lease, never leave your home empty-handed. Bring cash not to pay for the bill, no no no…(there is nothing wrong with paying the bill ladies, this is just not the time for it)….the extra cash is  just in case you need to make a run for it.

Cutting out all the EX-tras

3 Oct

Most  have experienced this, but  I wanted to share this with you from my point of view. Picture this, you meet this great person and after a couple of months of dating you start to think that maybe this is it. You start planning for your future, you put your infamous “little black book” away (never throw it away lol). You start to attend functions together as a couple, you even take the big step in moving in together. Now your vocabulary has changed from “I” to now “US”. You meet his family and naturally they love you (why wouldn’t they, you are just awesome) he meets yours and they get along well for the most part. Future looks promising.

UNTIL……….One day things don’t look and feel so happy anymore. It hurts you to think it, but you come to the conclusion that this relationship you’ve worked so hard on and  invested in is now falling apart right before your very eyes. You have no choice but to go your separate ways.

When you break up with an EX do you also break up with their Ex-tras/family?

Breaking up with someone you once shared intimacy with is  never easy. It’s even more difficult when you’ve formed a close and special bond with the family members. At one point It seemed as if you spend more time with the family then with the person you were with. When you’ve been with someone for a long time you both become intertwined in each others lives. The rules when it comes to break up’s is confusing. I can’t even begin to explain the “Do’s and Don’t, and rules and regulations of this.  I struggle with this only because I would like to think that if we broke up then I’m still “allowed” to see your family. You may think I’m spoiled, unrealistic and like things my way. Then I would have to say maybe you spoke to my EX, LOL. My feeling is just because you and I didn’t work out, doesn’t mean me and your family didn’t work. At the end of the day you were the problem not them…..(still recovering from my break-up sorry) LOL

I still have a descent relationship with my EX, and I remembered asking his permission to still speak and see his family after we broke up. At first this concept was really hard for him to understand. He questioned my agenda as to why I still wanted to be part of their lives. Out of anger he said to me ” when you break up with someone you leave their family alone“. I was really hurt by that. He knew the closeness of the relationship I shared with them. My Ex’s family made sure to convey to me that I will always be considered family and he knew that. Was he doing that out of anger, hate, or pure jealousy? I may never know, but it is what it is, and it was what it was going to be. I wanted to respect his decision. Truth be told  it was because of him I knew them. So ultimately I did what I was told and fell back.

Part of life is that some people are not meant to stay in it for a long time. I also believe you meet people for a reason. We learn a lot and gain something from every person we encounter.  It is very important that you respect people’s boundaries and respect their wishes.  If there was no problem and if the relationship is amicable, why trash relationships if there is no need too, i.e. the family. And if the Ex wants to be an “Ass” about it, always remember  life will go on, and new, and hopefully even better, people come into your lives.

I would like to add that after we both got past the hate and the confusion of the demise of our relationship. We made a grown-up decision to allow one another to remain in contact with each other’s families in moderation of course. I can’t take away the relationship he has with my family, and the same goes for him to me. I have the up most respect for him and his family and he has that for mine. We  respect each others boundaries and will not cross the line. In a way we signed an “invisible divorce contract.” (Now the rules that we came up with is just another article).

How do you feel about your Ex  still being in contact with your family? 

Such High Expectations!

26 Sep

Last week I posted on our “simplystudded” Facebook page a question for all to consider. “Is your taste in a mate the same today as it was 10 years ago?”  Which made me think of what my expectations were in a mate. I even started to question if my expectations were even too low back then or too high now.

In my late teens and well into my early twenties, I thought of myself as being young, smart, sexy, and full of energy. My middle name was even “fun-tastic”. Not to say I am not like that now…..I’m just all of that in moderation!!!! I made it a point to find a mate that shared  the same characteristics. My motto was as long as he was cute likes to party, and doesn’t mind showing me a good time  I was all in. Those days were what I called my “bad boy stage”  Ohh how I loved my bad boy stage.  I even had a relationship expiration date. Nothing went past the six months mark.

Fast forward to 10 years, I’m spiritual, stable, have a career, and have my own I now find myself saying “been there done that” and damn it I want more!! But is more asking for too much? I once had a list of 25 attributes that I wanted a man to have in order to be with me. As the years went by I’m sadden by the fact that my list has gotten shorter and shorter. I think it’s because I felt my expectations were a little high and the men I was meeting possibly could not live up to it. So I looked past certain things kind of short-changing myself giving the person I was with a chance.

I realize now that there is nothing wrong with setting high expectations in anything you do especially when it comes to finding that special person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. But  I also find nothing wrong with possibly compromising  what is on your list. There are certain things that can easily be over looked and I can do without or can be worked on. And there are things that I find of high importance and I refuse to compromise on, such as (spiritual GOD fearing man, financial security, good family man, intimacy connection, and most of all respect). Once those are in place everything else I can work with.

So I ask you. Do you think you have high expectation when it comes to finding your mate? Do you have a list of what you would like in your mate? And if so are you willing to compromise?

Conversations With “Joe Show”: Respect

19 Sep

“Simply Eye Candy: Jodell aka Joe Show”

During our monthly girls’ night, this age old question was asked and it left all of us adding our own feeling of what we think a man would say.  In a room full of educated and opinionated women it never occurred to us that maybe we need to ask a man this question.  I didn’t know where to start and to be honest how to even begin to answer this question, so I solicited a good friend of mine Jodell (AKA Joe Show). I figured a man’s point of view would be greatly appreciated. I want to start off by saying that Jodell wants everyone to know that he does not speak for all men, but I think it’s great to hear what he thinks on this topic.

Jodell agreed to meet me at this trendy after work spot in Manhattan.  Over a great meal and some drinks I had the pleasure of getting to know Jodell some more. His great personality, sexy eyes, and welcoming smile made this more of a conversation which made me extremely comfortable. He is damn right SEXY…… Jodell also goes by the name Joe Show and makes it his mission to always puts on a show where ever he is. You may have seen Joe Show at many comedy clubs such as Carolines, The Apollo, and the Laugh Factory.  He also performs at various clubs and colleges around the world. Joe Show is one of my favorite comedians.

Ms. Nanja: What do you enjoy doing?

Joe Show: I enjoy traveling, dating, and “people watching”. Yes “people watching”….I sit at Starbucks or Barns and Norble and watch the world go by.

Ms. Nanja: How is the dating life going?

Joe Show: I’m not dating as much as I would like to. In my line of work I travel alot  trying to make  my dream of  having all my projects become finished products.

Ms. Nanja: Have you ever had a one night stand?

Joe Show: (bad boy smile) Why yes I have! but in order to have a one night stand , you have to be emotionally and mentally sure of yourself.

Ms. Nanja: Why do you say that?

Joe Show: One must be ready to face rejection.

Ms. Nanja: What are your feelings about women that have slept with a man on the first night?

Joe Show: They are women who know what they want in life and they go for it.  I think this shows that they do not allow society to dictate their lives. And that is sexy to me…

Ms. Nanja: Would you call her after she slept with you on the first night?

Joe Show: If it was great, hell yea! Does a hungry man want seconds?

Ms. Nanja: With that being said would you consider a possible relationship with her?

Joe Show: It’s clear that there was some physical attraction between the two of us. Why wouldn’t I want to keep that around? If it’s good it’s good! Now that we have that out of the way I want the chance to get to know who she is. We are in a new age of time, if I allow that to hinder a possible relationship with her, then I am simply judging her without giving her a chance. Come to think about it, what does she think about me because I also slept with her the first night?

Ms. Nanja: Why do you think there is still negative views or feelings on women who sleep with a man on the first night, and if so what are they?

Joe Show: Men like to think that their game is tight. And if she sleep with him then she will sleep with the other man, and another man on the first night, and then she will be considered “fast” or just a “whore”.

I would love to hear what other men may think about this subject. I would like to think that Jodell is not the only man that thinks sleeping with a women on the first night does not necessarily tarnish who she really is. We are adults and have to take responsibility for our choices. Just make sure they are healthy choices.

I want to thank Joe show for taking the time out of his busy schedule to speak to me.

If you will like more of Joe Show or where his next act is, feel free to look him up on facebook http://facebook.com/joeshowlewis or email him at joeshowlewis@yahoo.com

The Case Of The EX……

12 Sep

Is it ever okay for a friend to date your Ex???? Before you dismiss this article, lets consider this… Last week my friend Jenny approached me and I realized something was puzzling her. Over a glass of  Moscato Rose she disclosed to me that last Friday she went shopping at the local mall and ran into a friend. During the brief hello,  how are you,  how is the family??? She noticed this friend was being really vague and dismissive, she attempted to brush it off until she saw her Ex boyfriend from a year ago approaching them in mid-conversation. Before Jenny could open  her mouth to say hello to him, the EX called out to her friend “Babe do you want anything in here”? OMG  it hit her that these two were together. It was clear that this man did not see Jenny at first because when they locked eyes he said nothing, and had the “deer caught in the head lights look“. Can we say “Awkward”…… According to Jenny the three of them stood there until Jenny finally walked away. When I asked Jenny how she felt at the time she said she left feeling sadness, confusion and most of all she felt pissed off. This bought me to this very question.

IS IT EVER OKAY TO DATE A FRIENDS EX??????

There are several questions that one may have to consider before making such a decision.

  1. How close of a friend is this?
  2. How long ago was the break-up?
  3. How long did the relationship last?
  4. How do you value the both of them? Do you even care?
  5. What is the communication level between you and the both of them?
  6. What is your state of mind at the time ( are you in a relationship, are you happy)?

Many may disagree with these questions  or even question if they EVEN matter? But then you also have to define what your  personal meaning of a friend and an EX really is (brain overload)?  It’s never an easy answer. We all have different interpretations.

I am inclined to say that Ms. Nanja from 10 years ago would have  went “HAM” at the mall. What happened to the “women/friend code?” Under NO circumstances do you ever get with a friends EX.  Being that I am older and have a lot more life experience, I would like to think that I would not  be as upset now. Hear me out…

I am a firm believer that your trash is someone else’s treasure. There is a clear reason why the relationship ended. Everyone is entitled to finding love (yes even an Ex)  and if you happened to  find it with someone I know then “do you Boo!” Now not to say that I’m giving permission for my best friend or the girls in my tight circle to date  ANY of my Ex’s. It is NOT okay today, tomorrow or even when I am DEAD a bit harsh I know… Ohhh well…lol  But then I have to consider the questions above.

Depending on what the answers are to the questions I would give my blessings. Some can’t even fathom this concept, but think about this. I’ve been in the dating  game for a long time. (dating does not equal relationship) Some longer than others, some ended good some bad.  If you think about friends, associates, and even the people you encounter in  day-to-day life, eventually an Ex will run into a friend.  If they know that I am the common factor in the mix I would hope I get the respect to be informed. At the end of the day, no one ever wants to be in that uncomfortable predicament that Jenny was in.

Who Makes The First Move?

5 Sep

Recently, On my way to the office I found myself playing eye tag on the train with this tall dark sexy brother (just how I like em’). We sat across from each other, he looked at me up and down and smiled (had me hot) and I looked back in my good girl, shy, innocent but yet ever so sexy look, I smiled back.  This went on for what seemed to be forever.  It was clear we were flirting. As I sat there, I was thinking I have three more stops. This man better say something to me already. He never did. When I got off the train he looked back at me smiled and waved good-bye. I wanted to run back into the train but three things stopped me. I was running super late for work, I didn’t want to look desperate, and I had a great pair of heels on. I was annoyed all day. I went into the office and I made it my focus point of our coffee making conversation with the ladies. It even went well into after work hours having that glass of wine later on that evening.

“Who makes the first move”?

It is plain wrong that society still views women who makes the first move as being too forward and unlady like. In the age of women singing and dancing to the independence movement what is wrong with us making the first move? We know what we want when it comes to our education, we are aggressive when it comes to getting our money, we attack when one threatens to harm our young, we will even hurt that chick eyeing the same pair of shoes on sale knowing it’s the last pair in our size. But when it comes to the possibilities of finding “the one” we fail to make that move.

What are we afraid of?

I say of course, there’s nothing wrong with a woman making the first move. It’s not a bad idea,  I think it shows confidence on our part. A woman should definitely send out a clear signal letting a guy know if his move would be welcomed. And if he still doesn’t get it (you know at times they can be clueless) I say put your best foot forward smile and say something cleaver like ” next move is yours”.  Don’t worry about the thrill of the chase, who cares when there is chemistry in the air. Now  if the man feels threatened by this behavior or just doesn’t like it, then he is not the one for you. Because it’s clear that you are the type of woman who goes for what she wants.  But it’s like a lot of things in life, it’s about taking that leap of good faith.