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Cutting out all the EX-tras

3 Oct

Most  have experienced this, but  I wanted to share this with you from my point of view. Picture this, you meet this great person and after a couple of months of dating you start to think that maybe this is it. You start planning for your future, you put your infamous “little black book” away (never throw it away lol). You start to attend functions together as a couple, you even take the big step in moving in together. Now your vocabulary has changed from “I” to now “US”. You meet his family and naturally they love you (why wouldn’t they, you are just awesome) he meets yours and they get along well for the most part. Future looks promising.

UNTIL……….One day things don’t look and feel so happy anymore. It hurts you to think it, but you come to the conclusion that this relationship you’ve worked so hard on and  invested in is now falling apart right before your very eyes. You have no choice but to go your separate ways.

When you break up with an EX do you also break up with their Ex-tras/family?

Breaking up with someone you once shared intimacy with is  never easy. It’s even more difficult when you’ve formed a close and special bond with the family members. At one point It seemed as if you spend more time with the family then with the person you were with. When you’ve been with someone for a long time you both become intertwined in each others lives. The rules when it comes to break up’s is confusing. I can’t even begin to explain the “Do’s and Don’t, and rules and regulations of this.  I struggle with this only because I would like to think that if we broke up then I’m still “allowed” to see your family. You may think I’m spoiled, unrealistic and like things my way. Then I would have to say maybe you spoke to my EX, LOL. My feeling is just because you and I didn’t work out, doesn’t mean me and your family didn’t work. At the end of the day you were the problem not them…..(still recovering from my break-up sorry) LOL

I still have a descent relationship with my EX, and I remembered asking his permission to still speak and see his family after we broke up. At first this concept was really hard for him to understand. He questioned my agenda as to why I still wanted to be part of their lives. Out of anger he said to me ” when you break up with someone you leave their family alone“. I was really hurt by that. He knew the closeness of the relationship I shared with them. My Ex’s family made sure to convey to me that I will always be considered family and he knew that. Was he doing that out of anger, hate, or pure jealousy? I may never know, but it is what it is, and it was what it was going to be. I wanted to respect his decision. Truth be told  it was because of him I knew them. So ultimately I did what I was told and fell back.

Part of life is that some people are not meant to stay in it for a long time. I also believe you meet people for a reason. We learn a lot and gain something from every person we encounter.  It is very important that you respect people’s boundaries and respect their wishes.  If there was no problem and if the relationship is amicable, why trash relationships if there is no need too, i.e. the family. And if the Ex wants to be an “Ass” about it, always remember  life will go on, and new, and hopefully even better, people come into your lives.

I would like to add that after we both got past the hate and the confusion of the demise of our relationship. We made a grown-up decision to allow one another to remain in contact with each other’s families in moderation of course. I can’t take away the relationship he has with my family, and the same goes for him to me. I have the up most respect for him and his family and he has that for mine. We  respect each others boundaries and will not cross the line. In a way we signed an “invisible divorce contract.” (Now the rules that we came up with is just another article).

How do you feel about your Ex  still being in contact with your family? 

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2 Responses to “Cutting out all the EX-tras”

  1. heynow603 October 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    Another superb article, your skills improving every week. I agree with you on this topic, there shouldn’t be restrictions on remaining friends with an ex’s family if they don’t object. I haven’t come across this issue in my life but any woman I was deeply involved with is welcome to hang at the next family barbecue.

    • Swayz October 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

      Waddup Ms. Nanja…I had a similar incident in my last relationship, where I was told to fall back from maintaining contact with my ex’s family. But funny enough, they were the one’s contacting me. Her mom would hit me on AIM, her grandmother would always ask about me…her older brother was always inviting me to parties, etc. Even her best-friend sent me an invite to her wedding. So it’s like you said, just b/c the relationship ended, doesn’t mean the relationship with their fam has too. Ofcourse, when we first broke up, it was out of anger that she requested I keep my distance. But I think as you mentioned, as long as there are respectful boundaries set in this “pre-marriage divorce” – where you’re not making the other person uncomfortable, then yes – keep the lines of communication open with the “EX-tras” because your own relationship with them is almost just as important as the one you had. Good job!

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