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The Case Of The EX……

12 Sep

Is it ever okay for a friend to date your Ex???? Before you dismiss this article, lets consider this… Last week my friend Jenny approached me and I realized something was puzzling her. Over a glass of  Moscato Rose she disclosed to me that last Friday she went shopping at the local mall and ran into a friend. During the brief hello,  how are you,  how is the family??? She noticed this friend was being really vague and dismissive, she attempted to brush it off until she saw her Ex boyfriend from a year ago approaching them in mid-conversation. Before Jenny could open  her mouth to say hello to him, the EX called out to her friend “Babe do you want anything in here”? OMG  it hit her that these two were together. It was clear that this man did not see Jenny at first because when they locked eyes he said nothing, and had the “deer caught in the head lights look“. Can we say “Awkward”…… According to Jenny the three of them stood there until Jenny finally walked away. When I asked Jenny how she felt at the time she said she left feeling sadness, confusion and most of all she felt pissed off. This bought me to this very question.

IS IT EVER OKAY TO DATE A FRIENDS EX??????

There are several questions that one may have to consider before making such a decision.

  1. How close of a friend is this?
  2. How long ago was the break-up?
  3. How long did the relationship last?
  4. How do you value the both of them? Do you even care?
  5. What is the communication level between you and the both of them?
  6. What is your state of mind at the time ( are you in a relationship, are you happy)?

Many may disagree with these questions  or even question if they EVEN matter? But then you also have to define what your  personal meaning of a friend and an EX really is (brain overload)?  It’s never an easy answer. We all have different interpretations.

I am inclined to say that Ms. Nanja from 10 years ago would have  went “HAM” at the mall. What happened to the “women/friend code?” Under NO circumstances do you ever get with a friends EX.  Being that I am older and have a lot more life experience, I would like to think that I would not  be as upset now. Hear me out…

I am a firm believer that your trash is someone else’s treasure. There is a clear reason why the relationship ended. Everyone is entitled to finding love (yes even an Ex)  and if you happened to  find it with someone I know then “do you Boo!” Now not to say that I’m giving permission for my best friend or the girls in my tight circle to date  ANY of my Ex’s. It is NOT okay today, tomorrow or even when I am DEAD a bit harsh I know… Ohhh well…lol  But then I have to consider the questions above.

Depending on what the answers are to the questions I would give my blessings. Some can’t even fathom this concept, but think about this. I’ve been in the dating  game for a long time. (dating does not equal relationship) Some longer than others, some ended good some bad.  If you think about friends, associates, and even the people you encounter in  day-to-day life, eventually an Ex will run into a friend.  If they know that I am the common factor in the mix I would hope I get the respect to be informed. At the end of the day, no one ever wants to be in that uncomfortable predicament that Jenny was in.

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9 Responses to “The Case Of The EX……”

  1. andy1076 September 12, 2011 at 4:59 am #

    Personally, i wouldn’t date my friend’s ex. It wouldn’t seem right, even if i asked for permission and i was granted? i just couldn’t live with myself, it would be like going up to my friend and saying “Hey look! i got your girlfriend” nope..for sure no for me!

    • Ms. Nanja September 12, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

      Morning Andy thanks for the comment, I can see why dating a friend’s Ex is a no-go for you, lol but does the same concept apply to a friend dating your Ex?

      • Connie September 21, 2011 at 10:05 pm #

        Dating your girls ex is nasty in my opinion. First of all, if you been with my girl, I don’t want you and secondly, if I did not want him chances are you should not want him either. However, I once share my experience with a friend and of course she wanted to try him for herself. I accidently saw his car at her house and I confronted the both of them and left. I did not have a problem walking away; in this particular case and I was good. However, it did distroy the friendship between her and I.

      • Ms. Nanja September 21, 2011 at 10:36 pm #

        What if you and the man was just casually dating? And you too remained friends?

  2. Chase Bradley September 12, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    This always a big topic.. especially women.. With men it’s a lil different because technically –If it’s not about you anymore.. then it’s free reign.. MEN tend not to date EX’s because they KNOW how dirty the guy has been with the EX when they were together.. OR they have been told the Low down treatment of her –that she allowed .. and a MAN’S ultimate nightmare is to date a woman –that is under the influence of another MAN!!..

    Personally — I don’t think I care.. It’s about LOVE and LIFE.. If my Ex meets a friend of mine and falls in love and it’s forever — WHY AM I hating?.. — to me Women have the problem because they are afraid that the GFs will find out shyt about them — they don’t want them to know.. Or they are quite actually hating that the GF and the EX could be successful where SHE had failed –and she might look bad. I had a Co-worker in this situation where she had been married over a year — and she found out that one of her GFs was dating an ex of her from almost a decade ago.. She was completely pissed and I’m sorry i found it laughable because “YOU’RE MARRIED — WHAT DO YOU CARE WHO SHE DATES?” –AND HOW WOULD YOUR HUSBAND FEEL to know you have this response over an EX?

    I’ll leave it with this question — IF YOU KNEW FOR SURE GUARANTEED — THAT A FRIENDS EX –WAS YOUR SOULMATE –WOULD YOU WALK AWAY? — IF YOU WOULD.. YOU’RE DUMB.. while I’m not suggesting you hop beds with your girls — I’m simply stating that –IF THEY ARE REALLY DONE — YOUR FRIEND WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE.. AND YOU MIGHT MISS YOUR SHOT.. ALL IS STILL FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR!

  3. Ms. Nanja September 12, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

    Morning Chase I agree with you. Like I said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

  4. NDB81 September 12, 2011 at 9:01 pm #

    A big NO NO!!!…..I think its disrespectful. If my best friend was to ever start dating one of my exes after we broke up i would think that she’d obviously been having feelings for him the whole time we were together………..it also goes for guys ur just sleeping with (jump offs)……………had a friend (well thought she was my friend) who had sex with my bedroom buddy…….her reason:she wanted to know how GOOD it was….since i was always telling her stories.

    • Ms. Nanja September 12, 2011 at 10:05 pm #

      Good point, but you know the first rules about your sex life…….don’t tell your friends nothing about it.

      • sony September 14, 2011 at 2:37 am #

        I absolutely agree with the theory that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. However that also depends on the friendship with the girlfriend and/or whether you were just dating the ex or were you in a relationship with him.

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