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Who Makes The First Move?

5 Sep

Recently, On my way to the office I found myself playing eye tag on the train with this tall dark sexy brother (just how I like em’). We sat across from each other, he looked at me up and down and smiled (had me hot) and I looked back in my good girl, shy, innocent but yet ever so sexy look, I smiled back.  This went on for what seemed to be forever.  It was clear we were flirting. As I sat there, I was thinking I have three more stops. This man better say something to me already. He never did. When I got off the train he looked back at me smiled and waved good-bye. I wanted to run back into the train but three things stopped me. I was running super late for work, I didn’t want to look desperate, and I had a great pair of heels on. I was annoyed all day. I went into the office and I made it my focus point of our coffee making conversation with the ladies. It even went well into after work hours having that glass of wine later on that evening.

“Who makes the first move”?

It is plain wrong that society still views women who makes the first move as being too forward and unlady like. In the age of women singing and dancing to the independence movement what is wrong with us making the first move? We know what we want when it comes to our education, we are aggressive when it comes to getting our money, we attack when one threatens to harm our young, we will even hurt that chick eyeing the same pair of shoes on sale knowing it’s the last pair in our size. But when it comes to the possibilities of finding “the one” we fail to make that move.

What are we afraid of?

I say of course, there’s nothing wrong with a woman making the first move. It’s not a bad idea,  I think it shows confidence on our part. A woman should definitely send out a clear signal letting a guy know if his move would be welcomed. And if he still doesn’t get it (you know at times they can be clueless) I say put your best foot forward smile and say something cleaver like ” next move is yours”.  Don’t worry about the thrill of the chase, who cares when there is chemistry in the air. Now  if the man feels threatened by this behavior or just doesn’t like it, then he is not the one for you. Because it’s clear that you are the type of woman who goes for what she wants.  But it’s like a lot of things in life, it’s about taking that leap of good faith.

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9 Responses to “Who Makes The First Move?”

  1. Riley September 5, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

    I have heard on many occasion that men appreciate the tact that women have when it comes to playing coy and being flirtatious.. but when a woman decides to be aggressive and be the pursuer instead of the pursuee then it becomes an issue.. I think women are afraid of being categorized as being too forward and too “in your face” hence why you didn’t go back and get that man’s number. And many times men feel that they have been removed from their role as the pursuer when a woman decided to ask for his number. Its really a bad game that we’re playing. But I have come to this conclusion: I realize that if we are persistent in getting what we want anywhere else i.e. jobs and schooling and shoes why not when it comes to matters of the heart? Just some food for thought!

    • simplystudded September 5, 2011 at 8:05 pm #

      Riley great statement I agree people should be more emphasis in pursuing the things that make them happy.

  2. Ms. Nanja September 5, 2011 at 8:20 pm #

    Ms. Riley, Thank you for reading this article and also for your insightful comment. I struggle with this everyday. I battle with the idea that if I take this away from a man am I creating this pull and tug pattern where he feels that he lost control and now I’m running the relationship. I was always told that I should allow a man to be a man. And that includes him making that move and me allowing him too. But that was also the days where women where not allowed to work, vote ect nor did we even have a valid voice. Our job was to create babies take care of home and be happy. Is that really all that is? At the end of the day it boils down to confidence in the women as well as the man. His ego can not be hurt or bruised because I took it upon myself to approach him. I don’t want to take anything away from any man, (for example) been removed from his role as the pursuer. But there are also ways in the relationship where I feel he can gain back this control…. “we are women hear us ROAR”…lol

  3. Chase Bradley September 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm #

    Ironically, I have long loved a woman who is not afraid to step up and say “Hey, I’m interested” — it shows a courage and a boldness I need in a partner. Now I’m not saying that some women don’t come off WAY TOO STRONG. But a woman who is reasonably cute can subtly get my attention without making a scene. I’m interested not just because your cute, but because YOUR NOT AFRAID and WILL YOU BE SHACKLED BY THE STATUS QUO!!! — WHY? –BECAUSE I’M THE SAME WAY!

    Ok, so let’s talk about your dark prince on the train. I’m gonna give you some inside info –SO LADIES LISTEN UP!!

    ANY MAN who is remotely smart and can read — has realized that a woman looking at him DOESN’T MEAN she’s interested. HE MIGHT JUST HAVE ON NICE SHOES THAT DAY, OR A SUIT SHE THINKS MIGHT LOOK NICE ON “HER OWN MAN”. Not to mention a real guy understands that pretty women get hit on SO MUCH in the course of a day — most will simply say “NO THANK YOU” –just because!!

    Sooooo your sitting there staring and no one is saying anything. Of course a woman wants to be courted — so why isn’t he rushing over to get as much facetime as possible considering the very next stop could be your last opportunity to meet each other. Well LADIES — he simply needs the GREEN LIGHT –FROM YOU! LMAO– no not the smile you flash at him.. but a simply overt gesture or simple “hello” — so he knows you ARE both interested and available. So when you lock eyes –don’t just stare “say hello and then flash the smile… ” AND SPEAK DIRECTLY TO HIM –now if he doesn’t get up after that –he’s probably taken, not a confident man or has some personal issues he knows will be come an issue and will probably not make him a desirable mate in his eyes…SO PASS ON HIM!! (SOME DUDES ARE SLOW AND IT MAY TAKE A WHILE FOR HIM TO GET SO IT..SO BE PATIENT IF YOU CAN)

    I find it funny that women will not approach a guy they like. I think it’s a psychological and EGO issue. Most women who have picked me up — either are very private and do not tell their GFs the full 360 degree stories of their love lives. The ones that don’t — seem to need to answer to the GF status Quo which I call “The Committee”!!! — AND Fellas have all too often faced “The Committee” — ladies you know what I saying –you’re in the club and the cute cuy comes over to the table where you and your friends reside–he politely says HELLO and asks for a dance — and what happens? ALL THE WOMAN LOOK AT THE CHIC HE’S INTERESTED IN –AND THEN LOOK AT HIM — AN UNSPOKEN DECISION IS MADE BY THE COMMITTEE AND THEN THE HEAD OF THE COMMITTEE SPEAKS — “NO SHE’S OK”!!

    So how can you go back to THE COMMITTEE and say hey i met a cutie on the train– i just went up to him and picked him up!! It’s frowned down upon among GF cliques nationwide. But let me pose a scenario — while you’re sitting there indecisvely waiting and afraid to seize that moment — how would you feel –if a less reserved chic suddenly dashed in front of him –saying hello, making him smile, stealing your conversation and passing off her number –sealing the deal!! — you could go back to the status quo and say “hey I didn’t break the code” –but this other chic would at the same time most likely be out RIDING AROUND AND HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR PRINCE CHARMING!!! — YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH ONE IS MORE IMPORTANT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT OR WHAT YOUR FRIENDS MIGHT SAY..

    Women have come a loooong way in their freedom, Independence, education and career, still A MAJORITY FAIL MISERABLY AT FINDING AND KEEPING A MAN — SHACKLED BY STATUS QUO..

    LADIES!! — HUSTLE AT LOVE THE SAME WAY YOU DO EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE, A GOOD DUDE WILL NOT TAKE YOUR APPROACH AS BEING ON HIS DICK OR BEING UNLADY LIKE.. MEN WHO DON’T RESPECT WOMEN –NEVER WILL –NO MATTER HOW THEY MEET YOU AND MEN WHO DO RESPECT WOMEN –EXPECT YOU TO SHOW THE COURAGE, BOLDNESS, SEXY PERSONA, AND EXCELLENT COMPANIONSHIP –THEY BELIEVE YOU DESERVE!!!

    GUYS LIKE US CAN’T WAIT TO PULL OUT A CHAIR –OPEN A DOOR.. AND LOOK AT OUT PHONE TO SEE A CALL FROM YOU AND PUT OUR BEST FOOT FORWARD!!

    JUST THINK — INSTEAD OF WRITING THIS ARTICLE –YOU COULD HAVE BEEN OUT HAVING DRINKS, LAUGHING DANCING, OR GETTING YOUR DAMN GROOVE ON!!

    — LIKE THE SONG SAYS “HUSTLE HARD CUZ CLOSED MOUTH DON’T GET FED ON THIS BOULEVARD!!”

    THX FOR YOUR TIME..

    • Ms. Nanja September 6, 2011 at 2:35 pm #

      Hello Mr Bradley I want to start off by saying wow, and thank you for your comment. I love a confident man who is not threaten by a strong woman. My goal is to empower women to go after what they want especially when it comes to matters of the heart. A real man will respect you at the end of the day and not feel a way. See ladies men don’t mind us approaching them Mr Bradley says so…..

  4. Corrina September 6, 2011 at 6:48 pm #

    this article was very ineteresting. In my personal opinion, you know what you want, and the best way way to get it is to go after it, that way you can never have that “what if??” situation. i personally hate tha question..what if?? Just because the female makes the first move doenst mean that courting is out of the question. If anything, that means that if the guy is feelin her like she is feeling him then it would be that much easier to be courted, but the guy has to go even more above and beyond to impress her. atleast thats how i feel…

    • Ms. Nanja September 6, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

      Ms. Corrina, thanks for your comment. I Totally agree, just because I made the first move does not mean his job courting me is done.

  5. Shawn O September 6, 2011 at 7:51 pm #

    Men who cannot accept a woman making the first move is insecure within himself to having an issue with no nonsense women. Praise to this article. Women go for what you want without worry. What’s the worst anyone can do, say no??? If be does on to the next one man enough for you.

    • Ms. Nanja September 6, 2011 at 8:09 pm #

      Hello Mr O, thanks for the comment. Women want to hear a strong secure man say that, and this clearly shows you have no issues what so ever with who you are as a man. I want to know that me making that move does not take you out your comfort zone, it only makes me more attractive to the lucky man I am trying to pursue.

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